What to Know about Children in Therapy

When parents first bring their child to therapy, they're often surprised to see more toys and games than tissues in my office. But for children, play isn't just fun; it's their primary language for making sense of the world. Children don't sit across from me and say, 'I'm feeling anxious about making friends.' Instead, they might crash toy cars together repeatedly, or insist that the puppet friends always stray from the "odd puppet out" during our play.

This isn't a deficit or something to fix; it's simply where they are developmentally. When an eight-year-old acts out their worries through repetitive play scenarios or when a seven-year-old builds and destroys the same tower over and over, they're doing the important emotional work that adults do through talking and reflection.

Just as we wouldn't expect a toddler to tie their shoes before their fine motor skills develop, we can't expect children to have adult-level emotional vocabulary and regulation skills before their brains are ready. Instead of viewing their play behaviors or emotional outbursts as problems to solve, we can see them as their natural attempts to communicate and process their inner world using the tools they do have.

Through play-based social skills practice, children learn these patterns naturally. They discover how to take turns in conversation the same way they learn to share toys, or practice reading social cues through games rather than direct instruction. What's particularly powerful is that these skills develop organically within the context of genuine connection and enjoyment, making them more likely to stick and transfer to real-world situations. This approach works best for children between 3 and 12 years old, with many children seeing the greatest benefits between ages 4 and 10.