What It Means to 'Play' Again When Trauma Stole Your Childhood

Many adults who grew up in difficult or unsafe homes tell me some version of the same thing: they don't really know how to play, and they're not sure they truly remember doing so. Play isn't just something children do, it's something children need. When trauma takes up the space where play should have been, that loss tends to follow people quietly into adulthood.

Reasons Why Some Adults May Have Missed Out on Play as Children

For some, survival simply took priority. Children navigating neglect, abuse, poverty, parentification, or chronic instability often had to grow up quickly, leaving little room for the kind of carefree, unstructured time that play requires. Others may have had caregivers who didn't model play themselves, or who actively dismissed it as unimportant or indulgent.

Why Adults May Feel Odd at First When Attempting to Reengage in Play

For adults who missed out on play in childhood, attempting it later in life can feel surprisingly uncomfortable, even embarrassing. When play wasn't safe, modeled, or permitted growing up, the nervous system may have learned to treat it as something foreign or even threatening. It makes sense, then, that reengaging with it as an adult might bring up feelings of self-consciousness, guilt, or the quiet sense that you're doing something you're not supposed to do.

Ways Adults Can Still Play

Reclaiming play as an adult doesn't have to mean recreating childhood, it means finding low-stakes activities that allow for curiosity, spontaneity, and enjoyment without a goal or outcome attached. This might look different for everyone. For some it may be tinkering with something mechanical, doodling without any intention of it being art, or simply allowing yourself to be silly with someone you trust. The common thread isn't the activity itself, but the permission you give yourself to engage without productivity or performance in mind.

Can Adults Engage in Play during Therapy Sessions?

Absolutely! I often play a variety of games and play with adult clients. Some of which may include: playing Uno, using figures in sandtrays, drawing and coloring, and holding fidget toys. For many adults, doing something side-by-side with another person, rather than sitting face-to-face talking about difficult things can make the therapeutic space feel safer and less pressured. Play in session isn't a distraction from the work, it often is the work. It can open up conversation, reveal how someone relates to others, and sometimes communicate what words haven't been able to yet.

How Can I Ask My Therapist to Include Play in Sessions?

If you're curious about incorporating play into your sessions, the simplest approach is just to say so directly. It can be as simple as "I read that play can be part of therapy for adults. Is that something we could try?" Most therapists who use these approaches genuinely welcome that kind of openness. If you feel awkward asking, that discomfort itself might be worth exploring together. For many people who missed out on play early in life, asking for something lighthearted can feel surprisingly vulnerable.

You deserved play as a child, and you now deserve it in adulthood.